...we're just going to sue you for making us be around GAY PEOPLE OMGZ!!
No, seriously. The Daily Mail (and I can't believe I'm linking them but wev) wrote yesterday about an Italian couple who are suing a cruise line because they ended up on board at the same time as Italy's first gay cruise:
The couple, from Terni near Perugia, had booked the cruise last month from with Grimaldi Lines from Civitavecchia to the Spanish city of Barcelona.
[...]
But when they arrived at the port, they found the ship surrounded by TV crews covering the 'Revuelta gay cruise' - Italy's first all homosexual cruise.
Lawyer Antonio Francesconi...said: "It is not a question of discrimination but one of lost satisfaction because no one had told them their holiday was at the same time as the gay cruise....My clients were also left embarrassed because among the passengers were people they knew and had no idea that were gay, which was uncomfortable for all parties."
Hmm. You know, I think it was probably more uncomfortable for the gay people who knew this couple, rather than for the couple themselves. There is a big difference between being accidentally outed to people you know, and finding out that someone you know is gay. If the first situation is uncomfortable, that's because something very personal was suddenly made public without your intention and now you are forced to deal with it. If the second situation is uncomfortable, it's because you are a fucking homophobe.
Oh, but the couple insist they are not homophobic. Sorry, folks, but your actions belie your words - going so far as to sue the cruise line, to say you deserve financial compensation because this experience was just that terrible, makes that pretty clear. You'd think they had found themselves on a cruise ship full of zombies, or some shit. "OMG how could you DO THIS to us!! We are scarred for life!! The horror and disgust and goddamn lost satisfaction, you must pay us money to make us feel better and get the icky gay off of us!!"
Love that the article had to include this line: "Organisers insist the three-day cruise featured no scenes of excess." I have a feeling this couple would have considered two gay people standing within two feet of each other to be "excess". And you know, if it was like, a sex cruise, some sort of BDSM-on-the-Sea soiree - I could understand people being uncomfortable if they were not expecting it and had no intention of being a part of it (though I still don't think it would warrant a bloodylawsuit). But of course, it wasn't, yet this is another instance of people assuming them gays spend all day kissin' and screwin' and watchin' the pornography. I mean, what the fuck.
Attention stupid straight people: gay people are just people. You don't need to be afraid of them, or disgusted with them, or weirded out by them. And if you can imagine how many times a gay person is completely surrounded by straight people, I think once in a fucking while it's okay for that to be reversed. But apparently not for Mr. and Mrs. Yes-You-Are-Actually-Quite-Homophobic.
And you know what? I bet that cruise was the most fucking fun ever had on a ship. Your loss, bigots!
WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!! It was a World Cup qualifying weekend, so there wasn't a whole lot of soccer other than that, but it was still the best damn soccer weekend this year because THE USMNT IS GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA!! World Cup 2010, here we come!
Last night was the second-to-last qualifying game, and it was a chance for the USMNT to clinch their World Cup berth with a game to spare. They were in San Pedro Sula to take on Honduras, a team that has proven to be a formidable opponent in past games and who had been unbeaten at their Estadio Olimpico in eight WCQ games over the past two years.There were actually three scenarios that would have helped the USMNT accomplish their goal: 1) A win against Honduras; 2) Costa Rica losing to Trinidad & Tobago; and 3) A draw with Honduras coupled with a Costa Rica draw or loss with T&T.
From the various articles and blog posts I read (and stupidly did not bookmark for later hyperlinking), most people seemed to find the third scenario to be the most likely, and a lot of people did not think #1 was even possible. With Honduras' home record and the relatively questionable performances by the USMNT in their previous two qualifiers (both of which they won, but at times it was in spite of their performance rather than because of it), the prevalent opinion seemed to be that the US should hope for a draw, prepare for a loss, and then buckle down to try to qualify in their last WCQ against Costa Rica this Wednesday in D.C., where home-field advantage would give them a boost.
For me, being a fan means always believing in your team, and I knew there was a good chance - maybe not a likelihood, but a good chance - that the guys could get this done Saturday night. Just because a team has been unbeaten at home in a given number of games, it does not mean they can't be beaten at home. Just because a team has turned in a couple of underwhelming performances, it doesn't mean they will definitely turn in another. I always keep faith in my team and believe that they are capable of almost anything, and although I was nervous as hell in the days leading up to this match, I still knew in my heart that they could make it happen. Sadly, because of some bullshit on the part of the Honduran federation, which owned the television rights to the game and chose to sell them to a company who only aired it via closed-circuit, the game was not on regular TV, and I had to follow the action via the US Soccer Twitter feed.
And make it happen, they certainly did:
The first half was scoreless, and all accounts indicate that Honduras was the stronger team in that 45+. They held more possession, completed their passes better, etc etc. Then, reminding US fans of the fated Confederations Cup final, the opposing team scored first off a free kick almost immediately after the second half began. When I saw the Honduras goal come up on the Twitter feed, my heart dropped, because I knew there was a chance they could start to fall apart under the disappointment and pressure. But happily, they seemed to respond in just the way any team should - by kicking into high gear and refusing to give in.
In the 55th minute, Oguchi Onyewu (you know...this guy right here, hot damn...be sure to scroll down) sent a long pass upfield to Charlie Davies, who headed it over towards Conor Casey, who outjumped the Honduran goalkeeper and used his big ol' dome to knock it into the net. Eleven minutes later, Casey - who most people were surprised and annoyed to see in the starting 11, as his past performance with the USMNT has not always been stellar - put the US ahead when he received a perfect pass from Landon Donovan and did a little fancy footwork to slide it past the keeper for his second goal of the night. At this point, I was thrilled, but still nervous. A 2-1 lead is not a comfortable one, unless there are about 30 seconds left in the match. But then in the 71st minute, the US won a free kick about 21 yards out, and as you saw in the video above, Donovan absolutely nailed it. It was total perfection from him and it made the scoreline 3-1...a much more comfortable place to be.
Honduras was tiring but was still fighting, and in the 78th minute they added another to narrow the scoreline to 3-2. This is when my nerves went haywire and my pulse rate shot back up to a hummingbird-like buzz, because there was plenty of time for Honduras to get another, and as Costa Rica was at the moment stomping Trinidad and Tobago, a draw was not going to be enough. Almost mercifully, the US Soccer Twitter feed stalled for a bit when the tweeter started having tech problems. I switched over to the feed from GoUSABid (go sign the petition!), which had far less frequent updates. Therefore - I didn't find out about the fucking HONDURAS PENALTY KICK until after Carlos Pavon missed the fucking net OMFG. As the highlights show, he sent it over the crossbar, and as my friend and I joked about, he's probably hiding behind a bodyguard right now.
So, it was a combination of luck and performance that won this game for us, and that's fine by me. The team came back from a difficult first half and a 1-0 deficit to win the game - they fought hard, they played some good soccer, and they responded when needed. A little luck to buoy that is perfectly okay, and fairly common in the sport - I hate when naysayers point out that luck was a factor and that the win isn't worth as much because of that, as though it doesn't happen all the freaking time on the pitch. It was not just luck that won this one, it was the team's determination and fighting spirit, as well. I'm pleased, and so is the team:
And fuck the haters anyway - WE'RE GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA and I couldn't be happier! Now let's just pray to the footie gods that we don't end up in another Group of Death this time around.
In other WCQ news of note: Mexico unsurprisingly won 4 - 1 over El Salvador in the Hell on Earth that is Estadio Azteca (clinching a WC berth for our neighbors/enemies); Costa Rica stomped Trinidad and Tobago with a sound 4 - 0 win; Ukraine pulled off an upset of England by winning 1 - 0 and preventing the Three Lions from even getting a single shot on goal; Germany locked down their berth with a 1 - 0 victory over home side Russia; Serbia also booked their South Africa trip with a resounding 5 - 0 trouncing of Romania; struggling Portugal put themselves on course to secure a play-off spot with a 3 - 0 win over Hungary; also-struggling Argentina kept their WC hopes alive thanks to a stoppage time goal that gave them a 2 - 1 win over Peru; and out-of-the-running Bolivia upset already-qualified-because-they're-Brazil with a 2 - 1 victory.
Once again, I am ever grateful for the existence of Melissa McEwan. She is one of the brightest and most impressive people I have ever encountered, and one of the best writers, too. She can put together a kick-ass dissertation on a wide variety of subjects, and very often I find myself, when reading her words, thinking "YES! Exactly! That's what I wanted to say but couldn't put the words together like this." She has informed my own sense of feminism and who I am as a feminist and a progressive and an ally more than anyone or anything else in my life. For that, I give her thanks and love from afar every day.
Over at Shakesville, the collaborative blog that she runs (and does the bulk of the writing for), she has taken on the subject of rape many, manytimes. (Those three posts are just a drop in the deep, deep bucket, which also includes some on her own rape and the effect it had on her.) Today, she posted a piece entitled Rape Culture 101:
Frequently, I receive requests to provide a definition of the term "rape culture." ...[M]y correspondents...always seem to be looking for something more comprehensive and less abstract: What is the rape culture? What are its borders? What does it look like and sound like and feel like?
It is not a definition for which they're looking; not really. It's a description. It's something substantive enough to reach out and touch, in all its ugly, heaving, menacing grotesquery.
She goes on to clearly, smartly, and eloquently elucidate and illustrate the bricks that build a rape culture. I really cannot expand upon the brilliance of her writing, and I know at this point I probably have about...hmm, 0.00 readers...but I will just say, on the chance that one day when I do have readers, some of them make their way back here, please - go read it. Now.
Via Feministing, I found this article from The Local - an English-language Swedish news site - about a group of sixth grade students who filed a complaint last winter against Toys R Us for gender discrimination in the company's 2008 Christmas catalogue.
According to the youngsters, the Toys"R"Us Christmas catalogue featured “outdated gender roles because boys and girls were shown playing with different types of toys, whereby the boys were portrayed as active and the girls as passive”, according to a statement from Ro.
Ro is Reklamombudsmannen, a "self-regulatory agency that polices marketing and advertising communications...to ensure they are in line with guidelines set out by the International Chamber of Commerce...". The children had been studying gender roles in school and were bothered by the depictions of boys and girls in the catalogue. 13-year-old Hannes Psajd pointed out girls in princess outfits and boys dressed as super heroes and said, "It's obvious that you get affected by this". His classmate, Moa Averin, showed concern about children feeling like they couldn't be who they wanted to be, including "guys [who want] to be princesses sometimes".
The advisory committee from Ro reviewed the case and agreed with the children and their teacher, stating the catalogue did evince gender discrimination and referred to the catalogue as "narrow-minded" and "degrading". They also issued a public reprimand of Toys R Us.
Now, the reprimand is only that and nothing more, and Ro doesn't have any authority to actually punish a company. But I still found this article to be awesome for two big reasons: 1) The regulatory agency didn't just listen to the children but agreed with them and acted on it in a public, albeit largely symbolic, way; and 2) Sixth-graders - kids apparently 12 and 13 years old - recognized and were bothered and offended by stereotypical, heteronormative images. I mean...wow. There are many people twice, three times, four times their ages who wouldn't think twice about that catalogue (and indeed, many of them seem to be leaving comments on the article at The Local...I stopped reading after about 15 because I was going hoarse yelling at my monitor). But these kids are socially aware enough to not just realize that it's bad, but to perceptively understand why it's bad. They know that it's not just dumb or silly but potentially damaging to young people who are growing and learning who they are and who they'll be.
These are children who will grow up to be compassionate, accepting, and open-minded adults. These are children who will treat others with respect and dignity irrespective of their differences, and in turn, those of them who choose to become parents will raise children with similar kind-hearted and welcoming attitudes. They can drown out the prejudiced roar from people like some of those in the comments, and that can do nought but good for their society overall.
Living in the U.S., where heteronormativity and a strict gender binary are still very much the norm, I look at stories and societies like that with hope that we'll see reflections of it here. But so many people hold so fast to "traditions" of gender roles and are so afraid of what it means to want to change those traditions, that wide-spread, systematic change seems so unreachable. Which is why teaching young children progressive sociology and respect for all is so important - just like it is easier for a child to learn a second language because their brains are in receptive developmental stages, it is similarly easier for a child to learn tolerance and understanding because their emotional selves are also developing and not yet closed down by negative messages and learned behaviors. It is not natural to be hateful or bigoted - it is natural to be loving and empathetic.
Hey kids - want to come explain a thing or two to some sixth grade classes in the States? And while you're at it, invite the parents, too.
Yeah, slightly different equation this time. Sleep got the better of me on both Saturday and Sunday, and I stupidly missed some big games. Alas, I am not perfect. But let's go for a little recap...
As these posts will always say:
Disclaimer: I am not a professional soccer analyst by any stretch of the definition. I don't really give a shit, either.
Let's start with Friday in MLS, and my best soccer moment of the weekend:
L.A. Galaxy 1 - 0 Chicago Fire Woot woot fucking WOOT! This win put the Galaxy in a great position to secure a playoff spot, depending upon another game's result on Saturday (more on that later). L.A. hasn't made the postseason since 2005, which is bad in and of itself but even worse for a team like this, which had made the playoffs every year since the inception of MLS until the three-year drought began in 2006. Add to that the fact that last year they tied the San Jose Earthquakes for the worst record (8-13-9) and allowed an embarrassing 62 goals (the worst GA in the league, not really tempered by the fact that they also led in goals scored with 55), and well...let's just say making the postseason this year would be really fucking sweet. And they sure played like a team ready to take the Cup - there was a lot of great effort put out by most of the guys, led by Landon Donovan, who put a beautiful chip shot over Jon Busch near the end of the first half. The ball came off a great pass from Chris Klein as Donovan was doing what he does and tearing ass downfield, leaving Fire midfielder Logan Pause stumbling in his wake. Busch came off his line and Donovan one-touched the ball off a second bounce in a high arc, touching down in the box and then hitting the net.
Donovan had a couple of other close chances throughout the night, as did David Beckham, and both of them were really working it all night. In goal for the Galaxy, Donovan Ricketts did another stellar job, especially during second-half stoppage when there was a little scramble in the box and at least two very close shots from Chicago. (By very close, I mean the shots were from about two feet out, and the ball came within inches of crossing the line. Heart attack moment!) One player who gave me cause for concern was Edson Buddle, whose passing was just not up to par for most of the night. Buddle has only recently returned to the lineup after being out injured for a number of weeks, so maybe he's just still a little rusty - I hope the trainers saw what I did and plan to work a little harder with him in the coming weeks. But despite any trouble, the game ended with a victorious Galaxy, who now only needed to see Chivas USA either draw or win with DC United in order to clinch the playoff spot...
Chivas USA 2 - 0 D.C. United And Chivas did just what we wanted! Their win on the road cemented the playoff spot for the Galaxy, which I'm sure the Chivas players aren't exactly thrilled about, but their Home Depot Center roommates are plenty happy. From my recollection, the win is due only partially to great playing on the part of Chivas, and perhaps more so to the poor showing from D.C., who apparently were booed off the field at the final whistle. (Side note - fuck that noise. I don't care how poorly your team plays, I HATE when people boo their own team. Talk about fairweather fans - it's bullshit. It doesn't help the team and it doesn't help the sport, especially not here while we're all still desperately trying to instill interest in soccer in our friends and family.) Chivas may have had the only numbers on the board, but it was technically D.C. who opened the scoring in the 33rd minute, as the first goal came off the back off United keeper Milos Kocic and was scored as an own goal. It happens to every team at some point, but it's always hard to get past it. D.C. ended the game with - I believe - only two shots on goal, and their defending throughout the game was somewhat listless. You could see it getting to the team, most notably Ben Olsen, who was sent off with a straight red card in the 66th. After Chivas' Yamith Cuesta threw an elbow into Olsen's back and knocked him down, Olsen kicked the ball into the back of Cuesta's head. Did he intend for it to strike Cuesta? No one knows but him, and in a situation like that I do believe the ref had it right - when there is an obvious deliberate element to an act of anger like that, you have to make it clear that behavior like that won't be tolerated. Chivas kept it together and retained a good deal of possession, and earned their win.
Over to the Premier League, where I missed out on a lot while sleeping away the hours...
Manchester United 2 - 2 Sunderland The scoreline might look good for Sunderland if you didn't see the game - a draw with Man United, at Old Trafford? Kudos, right? But you wouldn't have known how close - SO CLOSE - poor Sunderland came to winning this one. They were up for it, getting on the board first with a sharp strike from Darren Bent in the 7th minute that United keeper Ben Foster had little chance against. They would hold that 1-0 lead into the half - a half which saw a lot of crosses which were mostly fruitless and no shots on goal for United. They picked it up a bit after the restart, tying the score in the 51st off Dimitar Berbatov's good handling of John O'Shea's cross. But Sunderland wasn't done, and Kenwyne Jones knocked in a second for the Black Cats only seven minutes later, putting them back on top. Thanks to continued poor performance from United - they retained much of the possession and outshot Sunderland, in the end, 22-4, but they weren't able to do much with all time on the ball - that 2-1 scoreline would hold...and hold...and hold, even after going a man down in the 85th when Kieran Richardson received a second yellow. But then, in the 90th minute, Sunderland defender Anton Ferdinand attempted to redirect Patrice Evra's shot...and sadly, redirected it right into his own net. Sunderland would have to settle for the draw, which for them was probably just fine. For Manchester United, it's a different story, one they need to figure out the plot to pretty quickly.
Hull City 2 - 1 Wigan Oh, how fortunes change in the beautiful game. Last week, Wigan beat Chelsea convincingly 3-1 and looked like the better team up against the Big Four side. Last week, Hull was trounced at Liverpool 6-1 and looked like a team already destined for relegation. This week, what I believe was the same starting 11 for Wigan likely hit the pitch at KC Stadium expecting another win, and a far easier one. I didn't see this one but the match reviews all agree that the scoreless opening half was nonetheless sprited most of the way, with a couple of shots on goal for each side, as well as a handful of fouls apiece. The second half reads busy as well - Hull went up 1-0 in the 60th when Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (yes, that's his name, the whole thing) notched his first goal for the club, then eight minutes later an unmarked Geovanni made it 2-0. Wigan got one back near the end, and were gifted five minutes of stoppage time but couldn't find a second goal. It sounds like surprising performances from both, though I daresay there's a lot more meaning to it for Hull. Sadly, American Jozy Altidore did not get any playing time. Hopefully, he's still in top form as he trains with the USMNT ahead of their World Cup qualifying match in Honduras this Saturday (eek!!).
There were so many other games, but I missed so much this weekend. Some brief touches: Portsmouth finally tallied their first points of the season with a 1 - 0 win over Wolverhampton; West Ham and Fulham played to a 2 - 2 draw, which was very nearly a 2 - 1 win for Fulham if not for a second half stoppage time beauty of an equalizer from Junior Stanislas; Arsenal unsurprisingly stomped the crap out of Blackburn to end 6 - 2; AC Milan continued their not-so-winning ways with a 1 - 1 draw with Atalanta, thanks to a fairly late equalizer from good old Ronaldinho; Wesley Sneijder rescued full points for Inter Milan by giving them a 2 - 1 win over Udinese, and giving Jose Mourinho something to smile at...or stick his tongue out at, as the case was; Sevilla pulled off a 2 - 1 win over a Cristiano Ronaldo-less Real Madrid; and the impressive Seattle Sounders managed to do the seemingly-impossible and lodged a 1 - 0 win over Columbus Crew on the Crew's home turf, pushing the rookie team closer to the playoffs.
I could rant for days on end about being annoyed and angered and sickened by cat-callers and harassers on the street, as could almost any woman, I'd imagine. But lately, the main thing that's bugging me is that kind of guy who, in response to my silence when he says something to me, gets all pissy and snide about my lack of a response.
"Oh, too good to talk to me, huh?"
or...
"Hello? Didn't you hear me bitch?"
or...
"Fucking dyke."
(I really love that last one. Seriously, tell me exactly what made me seem like a dyke, because other dykes never seem to think I am! I was in Dolores Park a couple of years ago on Pride weekend, surrounded by a veritable sea of gay women, but you would've thought I had "penis lover" tattooed on my forehead, with how little attention I got. It's amusing that, while still being bisexual, it's these shitballs who push me closer and closer to full-blown dykehood every day.)
These douchehounds show up fairly often in my neighborhood. The general idea seems to be that not only is it okay for a man to say whatever he wants to you whenever he wants, but you apparently owe him a positive or at least neutral response. A negative response or no response at all (I often tend towards the latter, rather than give him the satisfaction of any response at all) means you are a bitch, a dyke, you're rude, you're ugly, you're stupid, and a million other things, whatever other negative thing comes to their minds. And I really couldn't care less what these worthless wastes of skin think about me, but it's the maddening frustration at why they feel so fucking entitled that really gets me.
Seriously - who the fuck are you? Why do I have to smile for you, a stranger? Who are you to demand anything of me? Who are you to deem me worthless unless I deem you eminently worthy by responding positively to whatever shit you decide to throw my way? Why is it so necessary for you to be allowed to be as big of an asshole as you can be, and for me to validate that allowance? Can you really not take the idea of NOT BEING A MISOGYNISTIC JERK and instead just being a decent, accepting, kind human being?
Are they so afraid of not being constantly dominant over others? Do they think that the only other possibility, besides men being in total control, besides utter patriarchy and the complete subjugation of women, is the complete opposite - the complete subjugation of men, the total shift of power to women?
It's very confusing that they cannot seem to see a middle ground of any sort, when there is in fact a vast spectrum from one of those scenarios to the other, and that they think a woman not wanting to speak to them, not wanting to listen to their shit, is evidence of the looming destruction of their gender.
A lot of times, when I've been in a confrontation or debate about this with a man (whether he's someone who was harassing me, or just a male friend or coworker who doesn't seem to get it) and I point out that women have the right to walk down the street without being bothered, without being spoken to if we don't want to be, they will often counter that men have the right to speak to people on the street if they want to. And sure, okay - I mean, neither of these "rights" is exactly spelled out in the Constitution, but whatever. Riddle me this, then - why does the man's right always trump the woman's? Why should their right always win out over mine? That, my friends, is male privilege in action. We both have these rights that we're holding on to, rights that contradict each other, but in their eyes the only "fair" situation is if their right wins out - and the only way that is true is in a total patriarchy.
Of course, this type of man is also the type to say that we don't live in a patriarchy, and he will probably point to women who are CEOs and shit to make his case. Guess what, asshole - I'd bet you a fucking kidney that every one of those women has also been harassed on the street, not to mention in the workplace, because of having that title and power. Explain to me how that demonstrates an egalitarian society.
Anyway - I know there are young men who are not like this. My ex-boyfriend isn't, his good friends aren't, and as far as I know, most of my male coworkers aren't. I know there are many men who see women as their equals and have no issue with it at all, and who are thoroughly disgusted by how some of their brethren behave, and I can only hope they confront them and call them on their inappropriate, misogynistic behavior.
But I also know, right now, out on the street in front of my apartment building, there are men who think I am nothing but someone to harass, and that I'd better smile and say thank you for it, that I'd better be happy they chose to speak to me.
I will not smile. I will not say thank you. I am not happy.
I don't have to talk to you if I don't want to. And there is nothing wrong with that. Learn it, live it, and move on.
