I Don't Have to Talk to You if I Don't Want to...

...and there's nothing wrong with that.

I could rant for days on end about being annoyed and angered and sickened by cat-callers and harassers on the street, as could almost any woman, I'd imagine. But lately, the main thing that's bugging me is that kind of guy who, in response to my silence when he says something to me, gets all pissy and snide about my lack of a response.

"Oh, too good to talk to me, huh?"

or...

"Hello? Didn't you hear me bitch?"

or...

"Fucking dyke."

(I really love that last one. Seriously, tell me exactly what made me seem like a dyke, because other dykes never seem to think I am! I was in Dolores Park a couple of years ago on Pride weekend, surrounded by a veritable sea of gay women, but you would've thought I had "penis lover" tattooed on my forehead, with how little attention I got. It's amusing that, while still being bisexual, it's these shitballs who push me closer and closer to full-blown dykehood every day.)

These douchehounds show up fairly often in my neighborhood. The general idea seems to be that not only is it okay for a man to say whatever he wants to you whenever he wants, but you apparently owe him a positive or at least neutral response. A negative response or no response at all (I often tend towards the latter, rather than give him the satisfaction of any response at all) means you are a bitch, a dyke, you're rude, you're ugly, you're stupid, and a million other things, whatever other negative thing comes to their minds. And I really couldn't care less what these worthless wastes of skin think about me, but it's the maddening frustration at why they feel so fucking entitled that really gets me.

Seriously - who the fuck are you? Why do I have to smile for you, a stranger? Who are you to demand anything of me? Who are you to deem me worthless unless I deem you eminently worthy by responding positively to whatever shit you decide to throw my way? Why is it so necessary for you to be allowed to be as big of an asshole as you can be, and for me to validate that allowance? Can you really not take the idea of NOT BEING A MISOGYNISTIC JERK and instead just being a decent, accepting, kind human being?

Are they so afraid of not being constantly dominant over others? Do they think that the only other possibility, besides men being in total control, besides utter patriarchy and the complete subjugation of women, is the complete opposite - the complete subjugation of men, the total shift of power to women?

It's very confusing that they cannot seem to see a middle ground of any sort, when there is in fact a vast spectrum from one of those scenarios to the other, and that they think a woman not wanting to speak to them, not wanting to listen to their shit, is evidence of the looming destruction of their gender.

A lot of times, when I've been in a confrontation or debate about this with a man (whether he's someone who was harassing me, or just a male friend or coworker who doesn't seem to get it) and I point out that women have the right to walk down the street without being bothered, without being spoken to if we don't want to be, they will often counter that men have the right to speak to people on the street if they want to. And sure, okay - I mean, neither of these "rights" is exactly spelled out in the Constitution, but whatever. Riddle me this, then - why does the man's right always trump the woman's? Why should their right always win out over mine? That, my friends, is male privilege in action. We both have these rights that we're holding on to, rights that contradict each other, but in their eyes the only "fair" situation is if their right wins out - and the only way that is true is in a total patriarchy.

Of course, this type of man is also the type to say that we don't live in a patriarchy, and he will probably point to women who are CEOs and shit to make his case. Guess what, asshole - I'd bet you a fucking kidney that every one of those women has also been harassed on the street, not to mention in the workplace, because of having that title and power. Explain to me how that demonstrates an egalitarian society.

Anyway - I know there are young men who are not like this. My ex-boyfriend isn't, his good friends aren't, and as far as I know, most of my male coworkers aren't. I know there are many men who see women as their equals and have no issue with it at all, and who are thoroughly disgusted by how some of their brethren behave, and I can only hope they confront them and call them on their inappropriate, misogynistic behavior.

But I also know, right now, out on the street in front of my apartment building, there are men who think I am nothing but someone to harass, and that I'd better smile and say thank you for it, that I'd better be happy they chose to speak to me.

I will not smile. I will not say thank you. I am not happy.

I don't have to talk to you if I don't want to. And there is nothing wrong with that. Learn it, live it, and move on.